Your Weekly Soul Pause
A few moments each week to return to your Spiritual Heart, nourish your Soul Cup, and let your Inner Sparkle shine.
Hello Beautiful Soul,
Last week, I wrote about expectations and the question I’ve started asking myself:
Whose expectations am I carrying?
As I’ve continued sitting with that question, something else came up.
Am I seeking other people’s approval?
Ooh. That’s a hard thing to admit.
The deeper questions I’m beginning to ask myself are:
Who am I seeking approval from?
Why am I seeking their approval?
Perhaps these are cobwebs that have been taking up space and dulling my authentic inner sparkle.
Looking back over the last three decades of my life, I see how I’ve been a people pleaser. I’ve always cared about people approving of my choices, particularly my husband, family, close friends, co-workers, business partners, and clients.
But an even deeper question to ask is:
Why?
Maybe it’s because…
I want them to understand why I’m doing something.
I want them to think I’ve made the right decision.
And when they don’t respond the way I hoped they would, I find myself questioning a decision I felt perfectly good about before.
Did I make the right choice?
Should I do something differently?
I’ve realized that I sometimes look outside myself for reassurance that what I’m doing is okay.
And I’ve started wondering:
Why do I need someone else to approve of a choice that feels right for me?
Have you experienced this before?
Recently, I’ve become aware of my need for my husband’s approval about some work I’ve been doing on a big project.
He didn’t know the project details, yet I found myself asking him questions, even though I already felt I was on the right track.
After reflecting on this, I realized I wasn’t really looking for his answer.
I was looking for his approval.
I wanted him to think what I was doing was something important. I wanted him to acknowledge me for the good work I already knew I was doing.
That was an interesting realization.
My husband’s opinions matter deeply to me. I value his thoughts and wisdom. He also offers a different perspective that can help me see something I couldn’t see on my own.
What I am discovering is that there’s a difference between valuing someone’s opinion and needing their approval.
One allows me to listen, consider, and decide what feels true for me.
The other can leave me questioning myself because someone else doesn’t agree.
That’s a big difference.
And if I’m being truthful with myself, I think I wanted my husband’s approval because I didn’t completely trust myself.
Because I was afraid of making the wrong choice.
Because I didn’t want to disappoint my client.
Because I wanted my husband to tell me, Yes, you’re doing the right thing.
I wanted to know that he was okay with my decision so I could be okay with it too.
As I become more aware of this, I’m beginning to ask myself another question:
Am I looking for wisdom, or am I looking for permission?
That one made me STOP.
Because I can seek wisdom from the people I trust, like my husband, and still make my own decision.
I can listen to another person’s opinion without making it my truth. I can love someone and respect what they think without needing them to agree with every choice I make.
And perhaps most importantly, I can return to my Spiritual Heart, connect with God, and listen to what feels true within me.
That doesn’t mean I’ll always get it right. Don’t I wish.
I won’t.
None of us do.
But maybe trusting myself isn’t about knowing with absolute certainty that I’m making the perfect choice. Maybe it’s knowing that I can listen to my heart and soul, make the best choice I can, and trust myself to navigate whatever comes next.
I’m still learning this. I don’t have it all figured out.
What can I say? Approval feels good. It makes me feel accepted, seen, and acknowledged.
Who doesn’t like hearing, I think you’re doing the right thing?
But I’m beginning to see the difference between appreciating approval when it comes and needing it before I can trust myself.
And maybe that’s another cobweb I’m ready to clear. Not so I stop caring what other people think. But so I can care about what I think too.
And what God may be quietly speaking to my heart.
✨ Reflection
Think about a choice or decision you’ve made recently.
Did you find yourself wondering what someone else would think?
Did you hope they would agree with you?
Did their reaction cause you to question something you had previously felt good about?
Without judging yourself, become curious.
Ask:
Whose approval am I looking for?
Why does their approval matter to me?
Am I looking for their wisdom or their permission?
What do I believe is true for me?
And then take a moment to listen.
💜 Heartfelt Invitation
This week, notice when you find yourself looking outside yourself for reassurance or approval.
You don’t have to stop asking for advice or listening to the people you trust.
Just notice why you’re asking.
Are you gathering wisdom? Or are you hoping someone else will give you permission to trust what you already know?
Pause.
Return to your Spiritual Heart. Connect with God.
And ask yourself:
What feels true for me?
Then listen.
I’m practicing this right alongside you.
✨ Soul Pause Blessing
May this week’s Soul Pause help you recognize the difference between seeking wisdom and seeking approval.
May you value the voices of those you love without allowing their opinions to become louder than your own heart and soul.
May God give you wisdom and discernment as you make choices in this season of your life.
And may you trust yourself a little more as you continue becoming the woman He created you to be.
With a grateful heart,
Bobbi 💜
Founder & CEO of Heart & Soul Publishing
You matter. Keep shining your Inner Sparkle. The world needs your light.